NUMBERS
“What would it be like, a world without snow? I cannot imagine such a place. It would be like a world devoid of numbers. Every snowflake, unique as every number, tells us something about complexity. Perhaps that is why we will never tire of its wonder.”
Three pictures of you, just two months before you turned five. So you can look back and see, "oh, that's what almost five looked like for me." You are such creative happiness.
Hadley,
You’re five today! (Tomorrow actually, but I'm writing this today because I've been thinking about you since I woke up this morning).
5.
Five.
F-I-V-E.
By standard measure, your golden birthday was three birthdays ago. Two years old on March two. And since both you and your brother were born on seconds, I've been trying to love 2 for years.
But every time I see 2 I see pink and it makes my stomach feel uneasy. I’m constantly thinking, "how can I make this 2 disappear?" My brain searches for something to pair it with. A number to add or subtract so it turns into a new color, a new feeling. So my stomach and head can settle.
Since you were born, I've been taking your 2 and adding it to your 3 (March!) to get to 5.
So, the way I see it, your golden birthday is today! 5 on 2+3! Happy golden birthday Hadley Elizabeth Clark!
I love March. Because I love 3 and I love the way the month keeps you guessing. You never know what it's going to bring. A snow storm! Or shorts weather! Sometimes both, back to back!
March is unpredictable but not unreasonable. Never too bright or too sunny. Never too sweaty. And usually not too freezing. One of my closest friends is going to have her second baby some time this month and I love that for her. Baby number 2 in month number 3. Same equation that you were for your mom.
Another thing I like is how your March Pieces is a good companion for my November Scorpio. Two odd-monthed-second-child-water-babies.
And I like five.
Odd five with her even four letters. Balanced enough — but feisty, with her certain V and her wit and kind-spirited defiance.
I like her androgyny. I like how she doesn't worry too much about perfect or harmony. How she stands there, prime and alone. Unpaired, charming, ready to move.
Five looks the way you look at this age. With your long-fingered hand resting on your jutted-out hip.
Sassafrass.
In my head, I can see you saying your new age the way I saw you say it when we talked at Christmas. Grabbing your bottom lip with your top teeth as you forced the sound from the pockets of your cheeks. Sharp and decisive, your five flings through the air and lands firmly on its feet. The evolved opposite of your former floaty four.
More you.
Something you wouldn't care about right now but might care about by the time you eventually read this is the fact that your element this year is Boron. Rare and vital boron. I don't like the shape or sound of that word, but I like the element overall because its atomic number matches its number of letters. A perfectly balanced five. Practically, I like the way boron's mineral compounds help make my laundry more clean.
Five is a number that plays tricks on my brain. Often red but sometimes not. Sometimes it changes or doesn't show up. When I think about pink two and pastel four and blue eight and navy nine, they are so clear. But five, like March, keeps me guessing.
I think that's a good thing to think about: the unexpected value of things that are both fixed and fluid.
Today and all days: I wish you a whole lifetime packed with the wonder and beauty of knowing and also not knowing.
i
love
you
miss
five
Aunt Liz
